Background
Vic has prostate cancer. He has undergone an operation this year and luckily, to date, the cancer has not spread. For the first couple of months of recovery he was grateful to be alive and grateful that the cancer had not spread to other organs. He is not receiving chemotherapy or radiotherapy but four months later he continues to feel very low in mood. He is retired and not short of money but he has lost motivation to do the things he used to enjoy such as working in his allotment and fishing. He used to love visiting the pub with his friends and going to the Rugby Club once in a while. Now, he feels he does not have the energy for any of his former hobbies. His wife and adult children are very worried about him.
‘Hello, I’m Vic- though some days I don’t feel like Vic anymore. It is as if I am in a high-walled pit struggling to get out. I try to be cheerful for my family but things I used to love don’t enthuse me anymore. My wife tries to arrange things with friends but I just don’t want to go anywhere. I stay at home; I read; I take the dog out sometimes but I am not comfortable driving places at present as driving makes me feel anxious. I feel angry with myself as I have lived through my successful operation and a pandemic so I shouldn’t be feeling like this. My wife lost her temper with me yesterday and called me ‘a miserable sod’ just like my father. That hurt. I wish I had more energy and motivation to do the things I did before but I just don’t. I have lost my confidence and I look at the walls of this (imaginary) dark pit and wonder whether it is worth carrying on’.
RESPONSE
Hello Vic, I’m Jane, a consultant counselling psychologist.
I would advise the following:
1. You contact your G.P. immediately and explain to him or her how you feel when your mood is low. You are suffering from depression post operation and I suggest a family member accompanies you. You will probably need a referral to a psychologist and if you have a private medical insurance (e.g., AXA Health, BUPA etc.) this will not be difficult. If you do not have medical insurance, then you will need to self-fund and the minimum number of hourly sessions is likely to be between 8 and 15 depending on the issues and the speed of your recovery.
2. There is no such thing as ‘must be feeling’, ‘should/ought to be feeling grateful’ etc. It is not helpful. You are in the pit of despair and telling yourself you should feel differently will only make things worse and inspire guilt and more depression.
3. Cut yourself some slack! You have not long undergone a very serious operation and it will take time to recover- particularly the older you are. Soon you will be your old self…’give time, time’.
4. Go with the flow. Keep a chart (or a diary) of things you have done over the week. You may surprise yourself! Even if you have done little more than watch Netflix some days, other days you may have read the newspaper/ the news on your phone and taken your dog for a walk. You may have gardened a bit, helped your wife in the kitchen or taken the laundry out of the washing machine. Log everything and try to call a friend or two during the week. It will help.
5. Join a prostate cancer group; it will help knowing how other people feel and their coping strategies. Most prostate cancer patients find this very helpful indeed and the charity provides talks from doctors, nurses, psychologists and wellbeing practitioners.
6. Cognitive therapy with a psychologist will help you understand why you are feeling the way you do. It will also help you to change your negative thoughts into more positive ones and produce a change of behaviour and motivation so that you can engage more positively with life once more.
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